Sorry, straight women from TikTok, mustaches and tote bags don't make your boyfriend gay

@ashweecarter me and who honest #friends #girlfriends #dating #relationships #fyp #foryoupage ♬ Original sound – Ashleigh Carter

“I love it when beautiful girls have a little gay boyfriend,” TikTok user Ashleigh Carter, who invented the now-viral sound, says in the TikTok. “You just have a little feminine little friend with vintage Levis, carrying a tote bag and wearing a moustache. “It’s covered in the strangest tattoos you’ve ever seen, one that looks like a hot dog skateboarding.”

“His co-workers are shocked when he has this beautiful, amazing, stunning girlfriend,” she continues in the video, which has over 855,000 likes at the time of writing and has been shared and used countless times by other TikTok users. “They ask, 'Is she your cousin?' and he says, “No, I love her so sweetly and adore her.” And I think that's really beautiful and I love these couples.”

Girls, when you talk about bisexual men, just say that you like bisexual men! We love bisexual men and we love the women who date them! Unless of course that's not what the TikTok was talking about…

@jennaallard #Duet with @Ashleigh Carter ♬ Original sound – Ashleigh Carter

Nothing in the original audio or other videos that reused it suggests that the vast majority of these “gay friends” are actually queer. The videos only show (mostly white) cis men, mostly with mustaches, mostly with tattoos, always thin and in an outfit that one would generously describe as “trendy” and “decent”.

Otherwise, he seems exactly the same as any other cis-heterosexual friend.

@jacquiealexander_ my little mustache friend #couple #ootd #whatwewore ♬ Original sound – Ashleigh Carter

Where is the “little” in these “small, feminine, gay” friends??? Where is the “feminine???” Where is the “gay?????”

When did cis-heterosexual men who had even the slightest sense of fashion and hygiene become gay? Just because your boyfriend is a good match for you, likes to drink craft beer, and doesn't pressure you for sex doesn't mean he's gay.

@fairyemother he's perfect 🤭 #felix #pookie #pairgoals ♬ Original sound – Ashleigh Carter

Honestly, this new trend is barely a degree removed from when we were kids and we were called gay because we liked the color purple, brushed our hair, wiped our ass, or wore a matching shirt and pants.

The difference is that hipsters now seem to be looking for gay influence rather than kids they think are gay so they can beat them up.